Do you have a messed up relationship with success?

Jul 8

Written By Erica Hanlon

Here’s a secret no one is talking about.

And I see it over and over - Highly successful, independent, brilliant adults feeling like they're not good enough.

Is this you? Let’s talk about it (secretly).

Do you have a jacked up relationship with success?

Here’s a quiz to see if this is you! Do you:

Only feeling good and worthy when you achieve something or get validation?
Dismiss that success as a “fluke”? Or tell yourself those people were “just being nice”?
Feel like an imposter when you succeed?
Feel deeply uncomfortable about the idea of celebrating your success?
Feel compelled to chase after that next success high?
Feel like you’re doing something “bad” if you’re not busy achieving something?
Secretly wonder if you’re not good enough or there’s something wrong with you?
Make big plans to go after your goals only to quit as soon as circumstances aren’t perfect or YOU aren’t executing them perfectly?
Avoid making goals altogether because if you fail then it’s just proof that you’re a pile of suck?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, we need to have ourselves a little heart-to-heart, mmkay?

Let me tell you why success and failing feels so hard

Success and failure are tied to your self-worth because you’ve been subconsciously wired this way.

Let’s go back in time, shall we? I want you to imagine yourself as a child.

Children are so cute and sweet and confused af. They’re trying to make sense of the world. (Like when I first saw Dirty Dancing and I thought “She got knocked up, Baby” meant Penny got beat up.)

And a child’s brain mixes up:

ATTENTION and APPROVAL

with

LOVE and ACCEPTANCE

So they come to believe that ACHIEVEMENT = LOVE

(pssst…Childhood brains grow up to be adult brains)

So if you're not achieving, producing, taking care of everyone around you, or hitting that next target, then you must be failing. And therefore, you're obviously a trashcan of a human being.

How to love yourself AND success

This is something that lives in your subconscious. So yeah, you intellectually understand that you’re worthy and good enough.

But you don't actually KNOW it.

Which is why you go through life trying to prove your worthiness through your accomplishments. And there is no amount of success or validation that will be proof enough.

This is how to change:

Accepting your worthiness as a given, as something that doesn't need to be earned because you ALREADY HAVE IT, is the result of:

Taking your brain from awareness -> understanding -> knowing
Changing your relationships with yourself (aka - showing yourself a ton of compassion and loving yourself no matter what)
Taking a lot of messy action and celebrating yourself every step of the way (You failed? WIN! You took action? WIN! You made progress? WINNNNNNNN!)
Honoring your stress response, being curious about your resistance, and LOVING yourself instead of FORCING yourself

And if you're still struggling, I want you to find a picture of yourself as a child. Look at them. See how worthy and beautiful and genius they are - just as they are. Know that they’re inside of you. And see how every time you talk to yourself, you are talking to them.

You are always enough. Period.

Ready to succeed quickly? You can join the VIP waitlist for my next round of The Confidence Code. You’ll be the first to now when it’s open and be able to claim your spot early.

And if you want to do this work in a private space where you can feel vulnerable and open and the calls are devoted to you and your goals, then you’ll want to set up a call with me to talk about working together privately.

Are you ready to do the impossible?

Hi! I’m Erica

Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.

I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach and career coach. I help you accomplish in 6 months that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for years.