What I learned from rejection
When I was 18-years-old, I fell through.
This may not be a universal term, so let me explain.
I rushed sororities my freshman year of college. I didn't think it was my thing, but everyone was doing it.
And I thought it would help me fit in.
So I got dressed up.
I went to the events.
I nervously and self-consciously laughed at people's jokes.
I forced a smile.
I tried to act confident and friendly.
And when it was time to get my bid, I was called into a room with my residential advisor and told I had fallen through.
No sorority had invited me to join.
Every one of them looked at my name and said, "Pass."
I crawled into my dorm room bed, hid under the blankets, and cried while my roommate and her friends sat a few feet away and whispered about my failure.
"She fell through."
What’s your story?
We’re the stars of our own movies. But we’re also the directors and screenwriters. We tell the story. But that story is shaped by one we tell about ourselves.
And I held onto this one. I chose to be the Girl Who Got Rejected.
I was the girl who’d think, "Please like me.” and "Please pick me." I’d show up insecure and desperate to please others so I could avoid rejection at any cost. And then I made decisions that reinforced that story.
I dated men who didn’t really love me. I applied to PhD programs I didn’t really want to get into (and then cried my eyes out when I got waitlisted). I showed up weird and desperate and cringey. And when people rejected me, I used it as move evidence to prove that my main character was the one who got rejected.
So what’s the story you tell yourself? Are you the boring one? The one who’s too sensitive? The lazy one? The hot mess?
What if you changed your story?
The thing is - The Girl Who Gets Rejected? I'm not really her.
That girl was only rejected because she rejected herself.
I didn't show up to those events, dates, or grad school interviews as myself.
Because I was buried under self-doubt and fear.
So, yes - Once upon a time I was The Girl Who Got Rejected.
The girl who rejected herself.
The girl who chose others liking her over liking herself.
I'm not that girl anymore.
And if I could, I would tell that her the same thing I tell my clients:
There is nothing more powerful than deciding who you really are.
Choose yourself.
Trust yourself.
Save yourself.
And if anyone doesn't appreciate the real you, they can (lovingly) go fuck themselves.
Hi! I’m Erica
Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.
I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach and career coach. I help you accomplish in 6 months that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for years.
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