3 reasons your nemesis is more successful than you (and what you can do about it)
If you’re like me, every high achiever I know, and most people I like, you secretly do this one thing that you’re REALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO DO AT ALL IF YOU WANT TO EVER BE EVEN REMOTELY HAPPY (not to mention fulfilled, joyful, and surrounded by cute puppy dogs).
Here she is: Comparing yourself to others.
You and I and Teddy Roosevelt know she’s the killer of joy but here you are…working your hiney off at work, knowing that you’re wicked smart and capable, but watching mediocre Joe Buttface get your promotion, your clients, and your results - and feeling resentful af.
What’s up with that?
I wish I could sit here and tell you that success comes from smarts and hard work, but we live in the real world and I suck at lying.
So why are Joe Buttface and other lame-oh folks out there achieving your dreams when you and I both know they don’t have half your brains or talent? Why do you feel like you’re falling behind even when you do everything you’re supposed to?
Imma tell you. Outside of inherent privilege (‘cause we live in a sexist, racist, homophobe society), less-capable successful people are probably doing some things differently from you. Let’s break it down.
Successful people think less and do more
I’ve joked that if I had to create an intelligence test, it would have one question:
ARE YOU SMART? YES OR NO
My theory is that smarty pants people would be all, “How are we defining smart?” or “It depends on the situation!” or “I’m kind of smart but there are other people who are smarter than me. Are we grading on the curve? What’s the curve? I CAN’T ANSWER THIS QUESTION.”
Smart people like to think. But more thinking rarely leads to better decisions. In fact, it usually leads to no decision at all.
MEANWHILE, Joe Schmoe isn’t all that worried about choosing the “right” thing or failing a non-existent test.
So while you’re thinking about and Googling the right next step, he’s out there - taking all the steps. Lapping you.
Too much thinking creates confusion.
Action-taking creates clarity…and results.
Successful people believe in themselves
Ugh. So cheesy, amirite?
But Ted Lasso and his BELIEVE sign were onto something. And here it is:
The biggest difference between successful and unsuccessful people isn't intelligence, competence, or talent. It’s the belief in their ability to figure things out, overcome obstacles, and get back up.
(Please note: I didn’t say belief it will all work out fine and dandy. While that’s a nice benefit, when you believe you’ll be okay no matter what, then fine and dandy is kind of a given you know?)
Let’s break this sucker down case-study-style:
Person A has a big ole goal. Person A has self-doubt.
Person A thinks, “Oh man. That sure would be amazing if my big ole goal happened but I’ve never done this before and I’d rather eat live slugs on Survivor than fail. And I’m pretty sure I would fail. Better go watch Netflix and eat a brownie!”
Person B has a big ole goal. Person B has self-doubt.
Person B thinks, “Oh man. That sure would be amazing if my big ole goal happened but I’ve never done this before. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be messy and I might fail and that will suck but I’m also pretty sure I can figure it out and I’ll be okay in the end. Eeeeek. I’m scared. Let’s be brave and go for it!!”
Belief is not:
Feeling fearless
Thinking it will all work out great
Believing you’ll get exactly what you want and run off into the sunset with Taylor Swift
Belief is knowing:
You will be okay, no matter what
You always figure things out
You can feel fear, disappointment, and failure and still be successful
The universe is conspiring in your favor, it’s just waiting for you to make a move
Want to achieve the “impossible”? Better get you some belief.
Successful people don’t hide their success
Raise your hand if you learned that bragging about your accomplishments was ick. Cool. Me too.
Here’s what happens to those of us who are nice, polite, and not at all tacky and braggy:
You’re awesome. But shhhh…it’s kind of a secret
You wait around, hoping someone notices how awesome you are
You wonder why the heck no one sees your awesomeness
You feel resentful that your awesomeness isn’t valued and appreciated
You wonder why the heck Joe Schmoe is valued and appreciated when he isn’t nearly as awesome as you
You think maybe something’s wrong with you, your boss, and everyone in general
You feel super resentful and hatey
I say this with love - People are too busy thinking about themselves to notice your quiet amazingness. You have to advertise that shit.
Because while you’re waiting to be recognized, Joe Schmoe is telling everyone how great he is. Maybe he’s even taking credit for YOUR work (the worst!). Joe is not worried about looking braggy.
And the result is that people think of HIM when they want to hire or promote someone. Because he’s playing the game while you (the star player!) is sitting on the bench, waiting for an invitation onto the field.
Don’t wait to be recognized or discovered. Put yourself out there.
Own your gifts. Own your successes. March into your boss’s office and let them know all the badass things you’re doing. Raise your hand. (Politely) correct Joe Buttface when he tries to take credit for your work. Show up as a leader. Let yourself be seen.
Voila - You’re off the bench. You feel less resentful. And you give Joe a run for his money.
How comparing yourself to others can help you succeed
Is comparison the thief of joy? Sure. If you use it to poo poo your awesomeness (ie - “They have the thing I want so I must suck pondwater”).
But comparison can be helpful too.
Here’s how:
Comparison helps you make sense of your place in the world
Comparing yourself to people who are “behind” you can make you see just how amazing you are
Comparing yourself to people who are “ahead of you” can give you valuable information about what you desire and how to get it
So if you see someone who has something you want, use it as evidence that you can do it too!
How to succeed quickly
The only thing standing between you and the result you want is the action you haven’t yet taken.
Everyone wants extraordinary success and happiness. But they don’t realize that it requires extraordinary actions. (psst…These results almost never come from waiting around for an invitation or staying in your comfort zone.)
Ordinary choices don’t create extraordinary results. In fact, what got you here might be exactly what’s holding you back.
If you want to level-up, you need to do things differently, maybe even do things that other people don’t “get.” And that requires thinking differently.
Your biggest competitive edge doesn’t come from your smarts, your beauty, your charming personality, or doing what everyone else does. It comes from being BRAVE and BELIEVING IN YOURSELF.
I went from a timid, underearning, and unfulfilled people-pleaser who didn’t think she had what it took to run a business to a confident multiple 6-figure entrepreneur in less than two years by doing those two things.
Wanting your life to change is not enough. Decide to change it.
Are you willing to grow?
Willing to shift?
Willing to create an extraordinary life?
My coaching program is for the person tired of waiting for life to happen but confused about where to start.
No more confusion.
No more overwhelm and inertia.
No more overworking and burnout.
Extraordinary success and happiness start with doing the thing you want to do, even when it feels scary.
Want to unlock your next level? Fill out my coaching application and I’ll see how I can help you create the life and career you really want.
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Hi! I’m Erica
Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.
I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.
I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.
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