6 things to stop doing in 2024 (or right away)

Dec 13

I heard this (kind of horrible) analogy thing from a coach once. I think maybe it was Dan Sullivan but I was in my car and you know, note taking while driving is unsmart.

Here it is - Hell is dying and then meeting the person you could’ve been. I sort of hate it. But I also find it to be kind of…inspirational?

Cause here’s the dealio - Too many of us are living life on the sidelines, just going through the motions, waiting for life to be amazing.

But that’s just not how it works. Because life is amazing when you decide to LIVE IT, you know?

And LIVING MORE doesn’t necessarily require DOING MORE. In fact, it might just mean doing LESS of the crapola that’s sucking your soul out of you like a Harry Potter Dementor.

So, going into 2024, let’s put away your “IMMA DO ALL THE THINGS” list of resolutions. Cause not even the most perfectest of plans will work out so hot if you’re doing the following things:

1. Caring too much about what other people think

There’s caring what people think and then there’s OBSESSING about what other people think. (I’m an Enneagram 3 and preacher’s kid so I know all about caring lots about other people’s opinions)

Being obsessed with what other people think about you usually means you:

Make decisions based almost entirely on what makes OTHER people happy, not what makes YOU happy
Feel the need to pretend to be someone other people like
Only ever feel confident when others give you validation so you chase it like a drug (those hits don’t last too long!)
Ruminate over that weird thing you said and did that maybe someone didn’t like

None of these things makes for an amazing, fun life.

But I’m not going to tell you to stop caring about what others think. I like these two ideas better:

Decide whose opinion you actually care about. Anyone not on that list gets very little of your time and attention (seriously - the check out lady who saw you buy 10 pounds of peanut butter cups should not get more than 30 seconds of your mental energy)
Let people be wrong about you. Someone once called me a “skanky ho” and it was really confusing. And then it was hilarious. People will be wrong about you. Unless they’re on your special list, it’s not a good use of your precious time to correct them.

2. Taking advice from the wrong people

I say this with love - most advice is trash.

And advice from the wrong people is really stinky, HAZMAT-level trash.

Most people are just bee-bopping along, doing life the same-old, same-old kinda way. Which means they’re probably great if you want advice on how to live an average life. Just sayin.

Then there’s bad advice that comes from people who love you and want to protect you from disappointment. So they might tell you to play it safe. Story Time: I wanted to invest $10,000 in a private coach right after COVID hit. All my friends and family were horrified. And my husband straight up told me not to do it. But I decided to go for it and voila! I made over $80,000 in the next 6 months.

If someone gives you advice, make sure you answer “yes” to all these questions before you take it and run with it:

Would I trade places with this person?
Is this person kicking butt and have the result I want?
Does this person have my best interest at heart?
Does this advice feel good and right for me?

If there’s a single no or “ehhhhhhhh” in sight, it’s dumpster-bound.

3. Thinking you’re not good enough

First off, it’s LIES. So there’s that.

Secondly, there is no amount of money, admiration, gold star stickers, or inspirational cat posters (“You’ve got this!”) that will make you feel like you’ve finally crossed that “Enough” finish line.

No one is coming to bestow you with a crown and title of “Adequate Human.”

You came into this world cute, cuddly, and totally enough and worthy. And then you learned to un-love yourself. You learned to outsource all your confidence.

So instead of chasing that next hit of validation or some vanity metric of enoughness, how about we just accept that you’re amazing and enough - just as you are. Even if just as you are is sitting on the couch in your 20-year-old sweats, eating a bag of Takis.

And if you really struggle with this one, pull out a picture of yourself as a baby or kid. And know that whatever you say to yourself about yourself, you’re saying to that little one.

4. Letting anxiety run your life

Everyone has some anxiety. And anxiety has a time and place.

Like, if someone in a big white van pulls up and offers you candy, maybe your fear is onto something, you know?

But anxiety isn’t great at knowing the difference between death danger and oopsie-daisy-level danger. Whether it’s a killer lion or an email that says, “We need to talk” - It tends to all feel pretty deathly in the heat of the moment.

And if you want to do something (a) you’ve never done before or (b) that isn’t 100% guaranteed to go gang busters, then your anxious death radar is going to swing to its WORST-CASE-SCENARIO-MIGHT-DIE-BETTER-NOT setting. Which leaves you….stuck where you are.

This is where we have to learn how to speak the language of Fear. And if you’re waiting to NOT feel fear to do things, then fear might be the only thing standing between you and what you want.

I used to have an anxiety attack every time I went for a run. “Would it hurt?” “Would I collapse on someone’s lawn?” “Would people think I was slow and sad?” “Would I poop my pants like that guy on the Internet?” And then I realized the anxiety attack was just part of my process of going for a run - Like putting on my shoes. So I stopped fighting it. I let it be no biggie. And eventually…it went away.

You can make decisions based on fear or you can make them based on what you want and figure out how to deal with fear along the way.

5. Doing it all yourself

This one goes out to all the hustlers. The ones who are making a list, checking it twice, and then doing only a quarter of those things before burning out and crying in the shower because they didn’t do all the things so they must be gigantic piles of Fail.

In the words of the iconic Mrs. Doubtfire - “Help is on the way, Dear.”

You don’t have to do it all.

First, let’s unpack. This might sound kind of spicy, but here we go - Doing it all yourself is usually a symptom of one of two things:

A trauma response - If you grew up in a home where you felt responsible for taking care of others’ emotional needs (and your own needs felt burdensome) and/or you had to raise yourself, then whoomp - there it is.
Other trauma flavors include - “Other people can’t be trusted,” “I have to control all the things to feel safe,” and “Everything’s copacetic as long as I’m perfect.”
Low self-confidence - You may want to DIY everything in your life because you’re all about having to prove yourself and you think that if you ask for help then all you’ve proven is that you’re inadequate and lame.

And, well, here we are - exhausted, overworked, overwhelmed, and burnt out. So now what?

First, understand where this need to DIY comes from.

Second, look at how it’s impacting you. How’s the Superwoman/Superman/Super Gender Neutral Human thing working for you? If it’s going gangbusters, cool. If not so much and you keep crashing to the ground cause there are holes in your cape, then let’s own it and decide to change it.

Third, recognize and accept your needs.

And finally, learn to speak your needs and ask for help. Delegate, hire a mentor, and know that you’re not alone.

You’ve got this…with other people by your side.

6. Staying stuck because you’re afraid of the unknown

I try realllllly hard not to skip to the end of a book or Wikipedia a movie to see how things turn out but the tension of WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN? DOES MY FAVORITE PERSON DIE???? usually does me in.

You could say I’m not great with uncertainty.

Knowing how everything’s going to go - from what irritating tasks you have to do (again) to what annoying shit Sheila’s going to say to you at work is boring af. But it’s your comfort zone. And faced with the unknown vs a comfy comfort zone, it’s real easy to choose to stay where it’s all predictable and safe and annoying.

But no one has ever accomplished anything epic from their comfort zone.

When I moved to Denver for grad school, I didn’t know anyone in town. And I was leaving a very comfy, easy life with lots of friends and boyfriends (yes, plural - don’t judge me). It was so anxiety-provoking, I almost chose to stay.

But then I had this thought - “If I don’t go, it will be because of fear and laziness. And I don’t like those reasons.” So I went. And I’m still here 20 years later with a pretty amazing life.

You want to do something new? Go somewhere new? Make a change? Try something? Grow in any kind of way? Then get comfortable with discomfort. It’s the toll you have to pay for leaving Doldrum City.

Change your life next year

Where do you want to be this time next year? What do you want to be different?

And what will you need to do differently to make it happen?

You probably don’t need a complicated action plan or a whole bunch of extras added to your to-do list. That’s rarely the secret to changing your life.

Instead, commit to releasing the BS that’s holding you back from creating the life and career you really want (or at least moving it from the driver’s seat to the backseat where it can annoy you by giving you bad directions and song requests).

Decide what you want
Decide to create it
Decide to figure out the “how”
And then do it

You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to settle for mediocre. It’s possible to change. I know because I’ve done it.

You can start making decisions fueled by passion, not fear.

You can take action from desire, not anxiety.

Just imagine what you could do if you stopped holding yourself back or living your life to please other people you don’t even like that much.

This is the work you’ve been waiting for.

And I’m here to walk with you every step of the way until you get exactly what you want.

2024 - Let’s go.

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Denver life and career coach Erica Hanlon

Hi! I’m Erica

Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.

I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.

I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.

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