4 ways low self-confidence is burning you out

May 2

Low self-confidence is jacking you up. How? Let me count the ways!

And I’m not talking about confidence the way we usually define it (which is, frankly, worthless).

When I talk about confidence, I’m talking about the way you THINK ABOUT YOURSELF. Because it affects:

How you make decisions
How you spend your time
How you follow through (or don’t)
And how you choose to live this one precious life you’ve been given

So here are four ways your lack of self-confidence (aka - talking to yourself like an asshole) is not only jacking you up, but burning you out.

1 - You hustle to hit your goal because you don’t believe you can actually hit it

You’re in a big, fat hurry to hit your goal? I get it.

Most people who are in a rush to hit their goals are largely motivated by a lack of belief. They want evidence they can do it.

And what better evidence is there than actually hitting it, amirite?

So they jump in. They do #allthethings. They hustle like a mo-fo.

But you know what happens?

As soon as things don’t go perfectly, the REAL belief, the one that says “You’re too big for your britches” and “you can’t do it” gets super loud. And they go from ALL to NOTHING in a blink of an eye.

I’m not going to sugar coat it. It can feel hard to believe you can do something you’ve never done before.

But you don’t have to believe you can do it.

You just have to believe it’s possible. Lean into that. And stop trying to rush to the finish line.

2 - You’re too nice. You say “yes” to everyone because you need their validation to feel good

You know what will burn you out real fast? Doing a bunch of stuff you hate through gritted teeth.

You can only do so much. So every time you say “yes” to something, you probably have to say “no” to something else.

How much of your time are you spending doing things you don’t want to do because you’re terrified that someone will have a negative thought about you if you say “no”?

And then how much time are you NOT spending on things you really love and care about because you’re too busy people-pleasing everyone around you?

I tend to attract clients who are the “Go to” for everyone else. They’re smart. They’re hard working. And they have the shittiest boundaries you’ve ever seen.

You know why?

Because boundaries are a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.

If you need others to validate you so you can feel good enough, you’re going to say “yes” to everyone but yourself. And you’re going to feel secretly pissed off about it.

3 - You think you have to “prove yourself,” which puts you in a constant state of fight or flight

“I have to prove it to myself.” and “I need to prove myself.”

If you have these thoughts, ask yourself:

WHY?
What exactly am I trying to prove?
How do these thoughts feel in my body?

What I hear time and again is that “proving” yourself REALLY means you’re trying to DISPROVE something else. A belief that you’re wrong, you’re not good enough, you’re a fraud, or you can’t do it.

And making goals from those places is yuck. It feels like running up a steep hill. And any potential failure or setback only proves that you’re fundamentally broken and a giant pile of suck.

Here’s what I want to offer you as alternative thoughts:

Instead of “I want to prove it to myself,” think, “I want to see what I can do.”
Instead of “I want to prove myself,” think, “I want to reveal myself to myself.”
Instead of “I want to prove I can do it,” think, “I want to see how far I can go.”

Be on a voyage to expand what’s possible for you and learn just how big of a badass you actually are. It’s so much more fun than “proving” that you’re worthy (which, spoiler alert! You already are)

4 - You don’t feel worthy of celebrating your accomplishments so you immediately move onto the next goal

You hit your goal! You did something amazing! You are amazing! YAY!

But instead of popping some champagne and doing a little dance, your brain immediately is like “meh.”

It doesn’t feel that good.

And maybe you’re worried that if you celebrate, people will think you’re bragging.
Maybe you worry that if you celebrate and you’re not able to hold onto the accomplishment, you’ll feel really bad.
Maybe you worry that it was all a fluke and it doesn’t count.

So you move on to the next goal.

Which means you can end up feeling like you’re constantly on the struggle bus. Nothing ever feels good enough. YOU don’t feel like you’re good enough.

Here’s what I want you to do instead: CELEBRATE. With intention. It will feel uncomfortable. And it will help your brain download just what a badass you actually are.

And bonus points if you don’t wait until the finish line to celebrate. Pop that champagne when you set the goal. Do it again when you take a step. And another.

Every step you take toward your goal brings you closer to accompishing it. So every step is an accomplishment.

How to be confident

Confidence doesn’t have to be earned. Your worthiness doesn’t have to be proven.

Confidence is an inside job. So stop looking for it outside of yourself.

Choose to think new things about yourself.

Show up for yourself.

You’re worth it.

Are you ready to do the impossible?

Hi! I’m Erica

Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.

I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach and career coach. I help you accomplish in 6 months that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for years.