I’ve done all the self-help. So why am I still stuck?

Apr 23

I have an embarrassing confession. I am a (recovering) self-help hoarder.

I legit have a pile of half-read self-help books collecting dust in the corner of my office, several unread Psych Today magazines on my desk, a yottabyte of self-help podcasts on my phone, and about 100 unopened emails in my inbox with advice on how to be a better Me.

At this point, it’s less of a personal growth library and more of a graveyard of good intentions.

I’ve started more books and podcasts than I can count. Highlighted all the quotes. Nodded along like, “Yes, this is it. This is The Thing That Will Blow My Mind and Change My Life Foreverrrr.”

And then…

I start it but get bored because it’s rehashed stuff I already knew
I have about a zillion other things that feel more important than learning how to prioritize
I don’t know where to start. Which part of me do I need to “fix” the most? Time management? Habits? Burnout? I think I’ll go scroll TikTok for cat videos
I actually learn it and it’s cool and all but I’m still the same ole me doing the same ole things, you know?

Because here’s the truth I’ve learned (and maybe you’ve felt this too): most self-help advice isn’t bad…

It’s just not enough.

Why self-help isn’t helping

Sooo….Here’s how it usually goes:

You read the book.
You listen to the podcast.
You’re like YES, OMG, this is so me.

You highlight the crap out of that one sentence that feels like it was written by someone secretly watching your life.

You feel seen.
You feel motivated.
You think, This changes everything.

And then…

You go right back to the same overworking, overthinking, people-pleasing spiral.

Except now YOU KNOW YOU’RE DOING IT so you kind of feel…worse?

That’s what I call the self-help vortex. Where you’re doing everything EXCEPT the thing that actually moves you forward.

It feels productive (Learning! Growing! Planning!)...but nothing changes.

But really? You’re just collecting more information without actually changing anything.

Knowledge is power. But it’s not transformation.

It’s like buying a treadmill and putting it in your guest room and calling it fitness.

Doesn’t really work unless you get on the thing.

Most of the people I work with know exactly what they should be doing differently.

The problem isn’t lack of knowledge. It’s overthinking, anxiety, and perfectionism that keeps them stuck in the same loop.

When therapy isn’t enough (and no - that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you)

Okay, let’s talk about therapy…gently.

Therapy is amazing. I’m a licensed therapist. I’ve been in therapy. I’ve recommended therapy.

I’ve preached the gospel of therapy to friends, family, and that one Uber Driver who trauma dumped on me while I was just trying to get to jury duty (I still gave him 5 stars cause I’m nice and he’s had a rough time).

But sometimes… therapy isn’t quite the right tool for what you're dealing with.

Or at least not the only tool you need.

Here’s what I mean: Therapy is incredibly helpful for processing emotions, healing trauma, unpacking childhood stuff, and understanding patterns.

But if you’ve already done that work and still feel stuck (in your job, your life, your brain), you probably don’t need more insight. You need a plan.

I’ve worked with sooo many high-achievers who’ve been through years of therapy. They can explain why they people-please, overfunction, say yes too much, or burn themselves out…

But they still don’t know how to stop doing it.

They’re self-aware, but exhausted. Insightful, but resentful. Healing, but also kind of stuck in survival mode.

And that’s not a failure of therapy. It’s just a sign that you might be ready for something different.

Something a little more future-focused.

A little more action-oriented.

A little more “okay, what now?” than “but how did that make you feel?”

If that sounds like where you are (not broken, just ready for something beyond awareness), you're not alone. You're just ready for a new kind of support.

3 sneaky reasons you’re still stuck (even after doing the work)

Let’s break this down.

If you’ve already read the books, been to therapy, journaled your heart out, and you're still waking up thinking, “I know I’m smart! WTF, Dude. Why can’t I figure this out? Why am I like this?” it’s not because you’re lazy, broken, or secretly bad at being a human.

It’s probably one (or more) of these culprits:

1. You’ve become a self-help collector, not a real-life implementer

You’re not doing nothing. You’re doing a LOT. But it’s mostly in your head.

You know what your patterns are. Score

You know what boundaries should look like. Hell yeah

You even have that one TikTok about burnout saved somewhere. Boom shakalaka

But knowing it isn’t the same as living it.

Reading about boundaries is not the same thing as telling your boss “no.”

Thinking about quitting your job is not the same thing as having an exit plan.

Consuming doesn’t create results. Taking action does.

You don’t have an information problem. You have implementation constipation.

2. You’re doing it alone

You know that thing where you’re amazing at giving other people advice but you feel like a hot mess?

Even the smartest, most self-aware, most hyperfunctional people (hi, yes, you) get stuck when they try to figure it all out by themselves. Cause sure, your brain is a problem-solving machine but it’s also about as noisy as Chuck E. Cheese on a Saturday afternoon.

When you’re in it, when the overthinking is loud and the pressure is high, it’s hard to see clearly.

Trying to coach yourself through big life changes is kind of like being Tom Hanks on an island with his volleyball bestie. You’re doing your best. You’re surviving. But you’re also maybe losing it a little.

Or, if we want to get more domestic about it, it’s like my husband deciding to redo our bathroom by himself. Yes, he’s technically capable. Yes, YouTube exists. But six months later, we’re still brushing our teeth in the kitchen sink, when the tile guy could’ve had it done in a week.

Sometimes, you need an expert. Someone who isn’t emotionally tangled in your decisions.

Someone who can help you sort through the chaos, cut through the mental noise, and move forward without burning everything down in the process.

3. You’re waiting for the perfect answer. And trying to do it perfectly

I’m going to hold your hand while I say this.

You’re not just waiting for a path forward.

You’re waiting for the A+, fully-vetted, 5-star-reviewed, therapist-approved answer that will guarantee you never make a mistake, never disappoint anyone, and never have to feel that awful “oh no, what if I chose wrong?” feeling.

And even when you do think you’ve found a good option (some podcast episode or morning routine or “5 steps to your dream life”) you put yourself under ridiculous pressure to do it exactly right.

Like, if you can’t do all five steps perfectly starting Monday at 6am, then what’s even the point?

Dude, this isn’t a school test. Nobody is grading you.

But this is where so many smart, capable, totally burned out people get stuck:

They wait for the perfect plan, then feel like they have to flawlessly execute it or not bother at all.

It’s all or nothing.
Perfection or paralysis.
Do it like the expert said or not at all.

No wonder you feel stuck. You’re not just trying to grow, you’re trying to nail it.

But real change? Real clarity? It’s messy. It’s imperfect. It starts with trying something before you’re 100% ready, and adjusting as you go.

You don’t need a flawless plan. You just need to start.

There’s nothing wrong with you. The tools were just… incomplete.

If you’ve ever thought, “I’ve done all the things — therapy, journaling, green juice, yoga, shadow work, trauma healing, and 27 saved Reels — and still felt stuck” Guess what?

Of course this sh*t hasn’t worked for you.

Not because you’re lazy or unmotivated or incapable. But because most of the stuff out there wasn’t designed to help someone like you actually move forward.

It’s not you. It’s the system.

The advice.

The pressure to “heal yourself” with another workbook instead of actual support.

The idea that clarity will just magically appear if you think about it long enough.

The self-help industry sells consumption, not action.

And action is what creates results.

So, no. You probably don’t need that book sitting in your amazon cart.

You need a plan.

You need clarity on what you actually want.

And you need someone in your corner to help you take action without spiraling into perfectionism or burnout.

Did I mention that that’s literally what I do? Shameless plug time!

I help people like you (ambitious, exhausted, smart-as-hell humans who look like they’ve got it together but feel like they’re falling apart inside) get clear on what they actually want, create a simple plan to do it, and tackle every mental roadblock that pops up along the way.

So if you’re done with the navel-gazing (no shade, I’ve been there too), and you’re ready to actually do something, I’m here.

Let’s get you unstuck.

Book a consultation call, and let’s figure out your next move—so you can stop feeling stuck and start making bold career moves with confidence.