How to stop self-sabotage

Mar 2

Written By Erica Hanlon

You set a goal. Maybe you even take action on that goal. Maybe you’re even chugging along, making all kind of progress.

And then KA-POW!!! You do something to eff it all up.

We need to have a little talk about this self-sabotage thing, mmkay?

What is self-sabotage?

I think it’s important to get on the same page about a topic. So, let’s take a quick pause and define this thing.

Self-sabotage is when you take any action (active or passive) that keeps you from achieving your goals.

This could be:

Doing something - overeating, picking a fight, over drinking, buying a ton of stuff when you’re supposed to be saving money, etc.
NOT doing something - Procrastinating, overthinking, avoiding, skipping the gym, not doing the things that work for you, etc.

Why I hate the term, “self-sabotage” and you should too

Here’s the thing: I hate the term “self-sabotage.” It totally sucks.

Because it implies you sabotage on purpose. And THAT implies you either:

Don’t want it badly enough or
There’s something wrong with you.

And both of those are toilet thoughts.

The truth about self-sabotage

If you are “sabotaging” (eye roll) your goal, it’s because you have a subconscious set-point.

It’s like if you stretch a rubber-band and then let it go. That sucker is going to go back to its normal size. You’re like a rubber-band. You have a set-point that’s been wired by DNA, early childhood stress/trauma, and other life events.

So your brain tries to keep you regulated by wanting to bring you back to that baseline.

You can have every plan, tool, and resource you need to hit your goal. But if your subconscious isn’t on board, here’s what happens:

You take very little action
You take inconsistent action
You have to “white knuckle,” force, or micromanage yourself to take action’
You take action that has bad emotional fuel (like wanting to prove yourself or feel “good enough”)
You hit the goal, only to return to how you were before

I talk more about subconscious blocks in this post right here.

Here’s how to stop self-sabotaging (finally)

You may be feeling hopeless right now. But never fear! Science shows that we can change our wiring, subconscious beliefs, and even our DNA.

I really want you to hear this so I’m going to pull out my mom voice: USE YOUR SELF-SABOTAGE AS A GATEWAY TO UNDERSTAND YOUR LIMITS AND THEN RESET THEM.

Notice when you self-sabotage
Get really curious about it
Notice your nervous system response - Are you avoiding because you’re in fight or flight? Are you freezing up and then doing nothing?
Explore the part of you that doesn’t want the goal
Find your upper limit and then practice being there and THEN try to move the limit further out
And do all of the above with self-compassion and zero judgment

This is advanced stuff. But it is key to your growth.

And if you want help uncovering what’s REALLY holding you back, then we should talk about working together. This is exactly what I do with my clients. If you’re ready to finally break through what’s blocking you, click on the link below.

It’s time to make self-sabotage a thing of the past.

Are you ready to do the impossible?

Hi! I’m Erica

Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.

I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach and career coach. I help you accomplish in 6 months that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for years.