Do you need a life coach or a therapist?

Here’s what I know from being married to a handy kind of guy who has a giant tool box and shelves full of metal things that fix things:

Tools are great. But you need the right one for the job, know what I mean?

And while I can’t walk through a hardware store without begging someone for guidance, I know my way around a human brain. 

(Side note: I just realized I’ve been studying psychology for almost 30 years, which makes me want to puke in old age)

Here’s the boring qualification stuff if you’re into that: 

• BA in Psychology (Graduated with honors and was president of Psi Chi - which is a club for Psych Nerds, Hey!!!)

• MA in Counseling Psychology

• LPC in Colorado

• 10 years as a psychotherapist 

• 10 years as a mental wellness coach in corporate

• Coach Certification

• 5 years as a coach for high achievers

So, as someone who has been both a therapist AND a coach, I feel uniquely qualified to help you out of this pickle.

Should you hire a life coach or a therapist? 

Just like you wouldn’t use a hammer to screw in a nail, you want to choose the right support tool when it comes to your life. 

So, if you’re like me in Lowe’s - wandering around clueless until you find an associate or FaceTime the handy husband to know which sprinkler head to buy - I’m here to help you figure out whether therapy or coaching is best for you.

How are therapy and coaching different? 

There’s a lot of overlap between coaching and therapy. And sure, they can both help you work on personal growthy stuff. But their approaches are different. 

For example, therapists tend to:

• Bring awareness to blocks so they can naturally stop blocking you

• Explore childhood experiences to understand current feelings and reactions

• Work more slowly

• Focus more on problems so they can be solved 

• Help you uproot persistent issues and experience change on a deep emotional level

Coaches tend to:

• Figure out actions and strategies to address your blocks

• Work more quickly 

• Focus more on solutions to obstacles

• Are less interested in the origin of your issues and are more focused on results

• Can help you change habits and experience a significant shift in your everyday behavior

Therapy vs coaching myths

As someone who is both therapist AND coach, it chaps my hiney when people say things that aren’t true about either one of my dearly beloved professions. 

So here are some common misconceptions I hear: 

• Therapy focuses on the past. Coaching focuses on the future -  Therapists often delve into your past so you can make sense of it and heal from it. But that’s not ALL they do. In fact, some therapy modalities are totally focused on the present. 

And coaching doesn’t ignore the past. Coaches might explore old patterns to find the best strategy for you or tackle mindset blocks.

• You need to graduate from therapy before doing coaching - Therapy and coaching can work really well together. And I’ve had a number of clients see a therapist while working with me at the same time. 

That said, rogue mental health issues can interfere with your coaching results. I’ve stopped working with a number of clients and referred them out to therapy because they weren’t going to get the results they wanted with me until that stuff was dealt with.

• Coaching is better than therapy or vice-versa - I get it. Some people have had bad experiences in one modality and then great experiences with the other. But saying one is better than the other is like saying a hammer is better than a screwdriver. 

Here are the facts, Jack  - therapists are more highly trained and regulated than coaches. But there are still god-awful therapists out there. And I’ve seen talented and effective coaches who had zero formal psychological training. 

• Coaches can do anything a therapist can do - Sigh. Here’s the thing: Therapists can provide coaching but coaches can’t provide therapy - at least, not ethically. Coaches providing therapy and calling it “coaching” is a no no. And they’re at risk of being sued (yikes!)

The system works best when providers work within their professional limits. For example, even though I’m a licensed therapist, it’s unethical for me to act as my coaching clients’ therapist. I have to refer them out. 

How okay are you and what do you want to accomplish?

Here’s the metaphor I like to use:

If you had an injury that was keeping you from doing what you want - you hire a physical therapist. 

If you were getting along fine and dandy, but you want to train for a race - you hire a coach. 

Therapy is designed to help you heal. Maybe you need to heal trauma, recover from depression, or manage anxiety. If you want to address a mental health condition, therapy’s the thing for you.

Coaching is designed to help you succeed. So maybe you’re doing “fine” but you want to feel better than “fine.” You feel frustrated, burnt out, or plagued with self-doubt. And you want to feel motivated, excited, accomplished, or just plain old awesome. 

Therapy gives you tools and insight so you can get from not-okay to okay. 

Coaching helps you set goals, make a plan, and deal with setbacks to get you from okay to great. 

So ask yourself:

• Do I have a current mental health issue that is preventing me from doing life? If yes - therapy wins!

• Do I want to unpack my trauma, dysfunctional childhood, or past? If yes - therapy for the win!

• Am I okay where I am but I feel like I’m meant for more? If yes - coaching wins!

• Do I want to understand myself better? If yes - Either one! Choose your own adventure!

• Do I want tactics and strategies to help me achieve my goals? If yes - coaching for the win!

How to pick a therapist or coach

Hopefully, you have a sense of whether you should hire a therapist or a coach. 

So, how do you find someone good? 

Listen - Qualifications are great. I mean, I listed all my above. But there are highly qualified therapists and coaches who still suck at what they do. 

Or maybe they’re great and non-sucky but you don’t like them very much. 

You want to find a provider you TRUST, LIKE, and who makes you feel SAFE. You want to know you can get emotionally nakey and they’re going to take good care of you. 

And finally, remember you’re not getting married here - You can totally break up with your therapist or coach if it’s not working for you. 

Side Note: If you’re looking at a coach who doesn’t have a refund policy for unused sessions - RUN. Here’s exactly what I did when a client fired me. 

And if you think you found someone who can help you, but you’re not sure - See if they offer a free consultation call to do a vibe check and address questions. 

I, for one, offer a free call with potential clients to make sure working with me makes sense. We talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how I can help you get there. If it’s a fit - GREAT! If it’s not - NBD. We just brainstorm other ideas. 

The goal for my free consults isn’t to sell you on working with me (ew david). It’s to help you walk away feeling confident and clear on your next step. Wanna talk with me? Cool. Click here to fill out my client application form. 

And if I’m not for you? That’s cool too! Here are my favorite resources for finding someone:

• Looking for a Therapist? Check out the therapist directory on Psychology Today. It’s a goldmine!

• Looking for a Coach? Honestly, I would Google “coach near me” and check out reviews and websites and stalk social media platforms to see who I like. Or ask friends and family for a referral.

The most important thing is that you value your quality of life and know that you don’t have to go it alone. 

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Hi! I’m Erica

Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.

I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.

I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.

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